Five Guys Metrocentre Review

Let’s keep it together, Newcastle.

I know you’re gonna lose your shit over this.

Remember not too long ago when people were clamming for the last next big things – Jamie’s, The Botanist, etc. etc? I think there’s an element of it which is like “oooh, look, we saw one of those in [insert big city here], so now that Newcastle has got one, we’ve gotta try it!”. That looks like the entire strategy for the new Metrocentre bit. For some reason, the UK absolutely LOVES an American Brand – they’re everywhere.

Five Guys comes to Newcastle riding the biggest hype train I’ve seen in a long time. I mean, there was a Chronicle live-blog of the opening, WTactualF? There’s going to be one in prime position in The Pearl at the bottom of Northumberland Street, and here, in the Metrocentre. They are going to be heaving.

five guys burger

Guys, it’s just not that good.

Simple premise. You get a burger – £6.75, and if you want something with bacon & cheese, you’re looking at £8.75. You then add your own toppings for free – pickles, tomato, onion, etc. and create apparently 250,000 combinations of burger + things. There’s fries, hot dogs, a BLT, grilled cheese, and milkshakes (£4.75 though?). The crowd goes wild. The idea is sound.

The burger is not.

Burgers are one of man’s greatest sandwiches, but Five Guys? It’s just not worth the money. You wade through the hype and unwrap your meaty prize, expecting that MMMMMMM, and then realise it’s just McDonalds with (marginally) better flavour, for more than twice the price.

The kicker for me, is that a Byron classic is only 25p more. And at that price, I want Byron, not Burger King quality. To be fair, it’s a fair bit tastier than that – they rightfully play on their “no freezers” policy, but still, it’s thin, not discernibly beef patties, in a soggy bun.

If you want a Five Guys cheeseburger (of course you want a cheeseburger), fries & milkshake. You’re talking about dropping seventeen quid. I can’t even.

five guys metrocentre

Look, I “get it”, it’s the American diner style burger, food for the hungry masses, etc. even pretend “it’s been here since like 1959!”. This ^ was a couple of days ago where we waited for about 20 mins for our food. I’ve never, ever seen a place busier than this in NCL. It’s Nandos for burgers, i.e. food for teenagers who don’t know any better, and are getting ripped off for it. It’s OK but there are miles better options for your £.

You can get free peanuts. There’s one of those Coke Freestyle machines where you can concoct things like raspberry flavour Coke, or grape Fanta. Double yay.

five guys newcastle hot dog

I’m not just hating here. I tried the (beef) dog this weekend, with cheese, bacon, pickles, onion, mustard. Much better value for £5.50, and it was as tasty as it was salty, which is to say, very. Plus, deep-fried bacon!

Best of all, the fries are really, really great. I don’t know if it’s the peanut oil or what, but they’re well seasoned, ridiculously addictive and you get just a daft amount of them. Seriously, go for the fries. You’ll be happy. They’re almost perfect.

five guys newcastle fries

Sack off the burger though, stop buying the hype, and making out like this is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to Newcastle™. Do what I did, go and  satiate your curiosity, and divn’t gan back.

Contact: fiveguys.co.uk

Food hygiene rating: Not yet rated.

Better burgers in Newcastle: Bridge Tavern, Broad Chare, Byron, Fat Hippo, Forth, MPW, Lane7, DatBar, Burger Stop, even GBK.

This Post Has 19 Comments
  1. Yey, I do enjoy your no nonsense reviews!

    I’ll end up here, as well as every other place in the new Metty C bit, and end up grumbling about how much I spent. I went to the Thai place last week and left very disappointed 🙁

    Katie xoxo

    1. Haha thanks Katie 🙂

      I mean, it’s alright…we just have so many other good burger places in town, I don’t see what makes this so special.

      Thought Thaikhun was decent actually! Have you been and done Thailand and it just doesn’t compare?

  2. Straight to point was always but I appreciate that, you’ve probably just saved me from wasting £17. It will be interesting to see how it does as there are some really good (and much cheaper) burger places in the Toon!

    1. Still go and check it out by all means! It’ll do ridiculously well if the queues are anything to go by. Where’s your fave burger?

  3. My thoughts as well. I am glad I tried it out, thought it was tasty but nearly choked on my milkshake when I realised the total price for 2! Go once to see what the hype is about then find a proper restaurant that serves an unflattened burger with a plate for the same price!

  4. Jeff, your review has seriously made me chuckle at my desk this afternoon. That burger looks like someone has sat on it! I’m sticking to Byron/Fat Hippo. The fries do look canny good though 🙂

    1. Haha, always glad to get a chuckle! Part of the assembly process is they put it together upside down and then squash the whole thing down with their hand when packing! so nearly someone sitting on it 🙂

  5. Dang! I am an American who lived in DC (original home of Five Guys) for five years before moving here and I was excited to see they were coming. I expected to enjoy them over the coming years starting at about £4.50 a pop based on the competition. This entry pricing is ridiculous. Even with all my nostalgia I will 100% go somewhere else when I want a burger. What a shame. I guess this is what happens to American franchises when they have to pay taxes that include health care. : /

  6. Agree. Was consumed by the hype but felt let down by the final product. It’s worth a bite but then so is a burger from burger king. Maccy d’s is strictly for sobering up or when you’re close to death from starvation.

  7. Utter tosh – there is no point in replying to this, as we will obviously disagree with one another. Your taste buds are as bad as your writing skills though. People, I suggest you try it! Ok, it does not set the world alight, but the burger is fresher and a darn sight better than the golden arches this clown compared them too. The one bit he did get right was the fries – the cajun spiced ones are very moreish. As for the queues, apart from peak times they are about 5 to 10 minutes at the most, any shorter you would be questioning the freshness. I think this shows what this guy is used to! Just ignore this review and go try – unlike Mr McDonalds fan here you won’t be disappointed!

  8. Went to the Newcastle branch recently, and it was *ridiculously* disappointing, and *unbelievably* expensive. Essentially, it’s McDonalds, but at a rip-off price point.

    Definitely one to avoid.

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